Servants and Warriors

The Closing of a Chapter and the Beginning of a New One

2010-08-15T08:11:00.003-05:00

As I close one chapter of my life and look to the future I begin to reflect on my experience. I have learned so much while here in Kenya that will stay with me for a life time. I have learned what true poverty looks like and I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of poverty in this world; economic and social. There are people that have all the money they could ever ask for but they are the poorest individuals. These type of people define the social poverty. Furthermore, there are those people that have no physical assets but they are the happiest people. These type of people are categorized as economically poor. My question is ... why does the world only recognize the economically poor? To discover the answer, if there is one, we need to explore both categories.

The Social Poor

These are the types of people who gain lots of physical assets in this world and yet they lack the emotional connection with people around them. These types of people are driven, often, by money and fail to recognize the intangible benefits of human contact. At prima facie these people seem extremely happy because they are driving the sweet care and living in the awesome home. Sometimes they are even regulars at the hottest night clubs or restaurants. In the midst of these social environments they lack a real connection. In my experience these people are scared to open up about who they really are as an individual. This lack of transparency breads loneliness.

I feel so badly for these people because they are focusing on all the wrong things. Money really cannot buy happiness. Money provides opportunities to be happy but it certainly does not guarantee it. Try as they might, buying things that produce a fleeting moment of happiness they are still depressed and disappointed with their lives. These people are so driven by the financial side of economics that they are unable to see the value in friendship. How can you put a value on friendship so therefore how can it be valuable. The frustrating thing to me is that these people are seen as extremely successful. These people are seen as role models and as the pinnacle of modern society. These people are never defined as poor, because in the eyes of the world they are extremely rich.

The Economically Poor

These are the people that are often pictured in slums or living in shack or the homeless people we encounter. These people have little to offer, in terms of monetary value, the world. These are the type of people that are typically portrayed as uneducated and lazy. These are the type of people that are never seen as rich. What do these people have to offer the world?

These people can teach the world so much. They know how to be happy and content with the things that they have. They often know the extreme value of interpersonal relationships. They understand that, often times, all you need is family and friends to be happy. These are the type of people that make their own happiness.

The economically poor should,often not always, be the ones who are the role models. These are the people who place a higher value on the friendships. They are the type of people who could not possibly understand why you would rather have money than friends. The unfortunate reality is that these people are viewed as the "least of these." They are the worthlessness of society.

I would say that if this bothers you, then good. Because I think the reality is that our view of wealthiness and poverty are so mixed up that we are training ourselves and the youth to pursue happiness through money. We are standing on a soapbox stating that money can buy you happiness. If I have learned nothing else on this trip it is that the worlds view of poverty is so far off. So I look to finally close that chapter of my life. I am closing that view of wealthiness and will never revisit that chapter in my life.

The Beginning of a New Chapter

I look to the future of pure happiness. Where money is only a secondary concern but interpersonal relationships are at the premium. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with Michelle. I look forward to the simple things of waking up to her every morning and going to sleep beside her every night. I look forward to the house work that I have typically hated so much because I know that Michelle will greatly appreciate my work. At the heart of my happiness will be my sacrifice for Michelle.

I chose the word "sacrifice" very specifically because I think that the greatest thing God has ever done for the world is to sacrifice. He sacrifice in so many ways from the obvious death on a cross to the less recognized relationships. Jesus could have chosen to stay on this earth and develop great friendships with his disciples but then he wouldn't be the savior he would be the profit. He laid down his life so that we would understand how to live ours. My goal is to, try as hard as I can to, model his life of service and reflect it upon the people around me. I can't wait to sacrifice for Michelle everyday. Because when I sacrifice for her it is out of the purest of love.

Furthermore, I look to reflect that love onto the world around me. I hope that my life is an example of sacrifice, that I can be one of the lucky few who truly understands the meaning of being with the poorest of the poor because then I will know true happiness. My life is dedicated to the eradication of poverty, I have said this for ever and I still mean it in this new chapter of my life. Now that I have learned what poverty means I can work to affect poverty in the social and economic sense.

I am so thankful for my time hear in Kenya for so many reasons. I look forward to my return to the states so that I can begin a new phase of my life. A phase where I get the best woman in the world at my side. I love you Michelle.

Long Distance and Marriage

2010-08-06T10:34:00.002-05:00

One of the things that has plagued Michelle and my relationship is our constant long distance. I hate long distance with everything that I am at this point. The wedding day cannot come any faster. I am so ready spend the rest of my life with the woman I love. I'm ready to fall asleep with her by my side and wake up with her there, I'm ready to no longer have to say goodbye and I'm ready to be done with 8 hour time differences.

Don't get me wrong I love Africa and hope to move back, but the difference is I will have my best friend at my side. Africa has been great in every aspect except Michelle isn't here.

Long distance has taught us many things about our relationship and has especially helped us develop great communication. But I think that we are done with being apart. Last summer Michelle spent 2.5 month in L.A. then we spent 4 weeks together, then I left for school. Luckily we were able to see each other about every 6 weeks. I spent all of May in Sioux Falls before leaving for Kenya. I have been here for 6 weeks and it feels like forever. So, granted, we haven't spent 18 straight months apart but even when we get to be together it is just a period of getting ready to be apart again. We are so ready to just be together.

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you Michelle. I love you so much and I really appreciate all the sacrifice you have made so that I can follow a calling. You have no idea how much I appreciate you. I hope you know that I recognize all the sacrifices you make, from the big to the small I am aware of all that you have sacrificed. Thank you so much.

The Problem is the Solution

2010-08-03T09:07:00.004-05:00

While I have been here in Kenya, I have been learning a lot about life and the issues that take place in our world as a whole. One of the things I have been racking my brain about is trying to "Solve" the problem. The issue here, however, is that what is the problem? Poverty? Social Injustice? Human Rights? Access? All of these issues and more? None of these issues? the reality is that the world is full of problems and we in the western world believe for the most part that can solve these problems. But I think we have to address these issues in a completely different way. We need a holistic approach to all of these problems.

If there is one thing that I have learned it is that people are people. Whether they are from Africa, America, China or anywhere else. People are just people. We are all driven by outside factors. Typically when issues arise in our personal lives we are affected in many ways. If I am depressed, I get sad and sick, less social, lack of motivation. We call all of these things symptoms because we try to categorize an issue. Sometimes this works, but it doesn't always because the issue is too complex.

So all of that being said lets look at the complexity of issues that society faces. If we try to do what I did above by breaking apart the issues, I believe we will fail in whatever we attempt. The reality is that since, people are the same and we are so complex all of these issues are interconnected. We must search for solutions by looking at the problems. The problem is where the solution is, and the solution can only be found by looking at the entirety of the problems. We must look at a holistic approach to everything. Breaking the cycle of poverty must be looked at as an even greater cycle, where poverty is just one portion of the greater issues.

It is at this point that we can no longer discuss poverty reduction so tritely. We cannot categorize the issues anymore. The issues are beyond the scope of our current understanding, they are societal ways of life and they cannot be answered from one front. Economics cannot solve the worlds problems (even though I wish that were true), policy analysis cannot do it, Christianity cannot do it. The only way that we can solve these big issues, is if WE work together. It will take the world's people working together to solve these problems.

Kibera

2010-07-16T11:23:00.003-05:00

Today we went to Kibera, and for those of you that are interested you can look at my previous blog about thoughts on poverty to learn some interesting facts. We prepared ourselves for the hard things we would see, and expecting the worse of course the day was awesome. I can attribute the awesomeness of the day to one thing - Children. Children are so innocent and they are so happy. Today I played with kids every chance I got and I loved every minute of it. In the midst of all that poverty happiness can be seen in the eyes of a child. They are perfectly happy and just want to play. I couldn't communicate with them but there is one thing that is universal, a universal symbol if you will - a smile. I smiled with the kids and ran around making a fool of myself but I didn't care because the kids loved every second of it. I picked the up and threw them up in the air and we laughed together. We didn't need words to be able to communicate because our laughter was enough.It doesn't matter that these kids had nothing by western standards, because I promise you this for sure, they were happy. In that moment nothing else mattered except playing some with some crazy mazungu.

Luke 6:20 "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the Kingdom of God"

Today the gospels were alive. Money can't buy that kind of happiness. The kingdom of God is present in this world and I experienced it through a child in one of the poorest areas of the world. Thank you God for the glimpses of your beauty in this place. We serve an amazing God who shows us that life is better when its simple. My prayer is that everyone could see the way a "poor" child has fun, because in that moment nothing else matters. I am so blessed to be in this place.

Celebrating the Work of Kituo Cha Sheria.

2010-07-09T04:19:00.006-05:00

Today is a big day at Kituo Cha Sheria. They are having a celebration for their 37th anniversary, so staff members are coming from the three branches; Main branch, Eastleigh, and Mombasa. There will be speeches from members of the governing body, major stakeholders in International Development and even from a Nobel Prize Laureate. The day will be filled with greetings, singing, dancing, speeches, dinner and all the excitement of meeting new people.

This celebration is very exciting because many of the staff members rarely see each other, so when they get together their is a lot of energy. Some of this energy is partly due to the African culture which is so friendly. I can't help but notice the fact that everyone is so happy to see each other. It makes me jealous that we don't have some of these traditions in the United States. One of the simplest yet most important thing in Kenyan culture is the greetings. Every day I come into the office I shake everyones hand and ask them how their day is going. This is such a simple, yet beautiful thing (seems that the simple is always the beautiful). I feel like the colloquies in the office are friendlier with each other than we are in the states. The importance of greetings will definitely be implemented in my future professional work. If ever I am a manager or a professor I will make it a point to implement this strategy.

Part of the major celebration is singing and dancing, we are practicing a song in swahili and while I have no idea what it says, it is so beautiful. The staff have been organized into a chorus and we are all singing the song in harmony. So beautiful. This celebration will be very exciting and very educational. I am learning so much about the culture of this country. It truly is an amazing place. I look forward everyday to the new things I will learn. I can't wait to come back to the states a completely changed person, with an appreciation for what I have and yet more appreciation for the simplicity of this lifestyle. Nairobi is a place of life, culture and excitement.

Thoughts on Poverty

2010-07-07T13:37:00.002-05:00

There are so many thoughts running through my mind that I can't control them, I feel almost blank because the number of thoughts is so large that I can't focus on one thing for any extended period of time. I warn you now because this post will probably be a little in-cohesive.

Thus far my time in Kenya has been simply amazing. It can only be categorized as a foreign experience. I have traveled the world quite a bit, and I have researched poverty for a long time. All that being said this is a completely separate issue, because here, poverty is in your face. It is outside my apartment, it is down the street, it is at my internship, it is in my studies, poverty is so evident here. POVERTY IS EVERYWHERE, it is an inescapable reality. The real challenge is whether we choose to fight for the voiceless dying or pretend it doesn't exist and we continue our lives as if we never knew.

My time here in Nairobi is filled with learning. I feel like an infant because I know that everything I see is a learning experience. I am a virgin to this kind of poverty, the intensity is so overpowering that you literally need some time to just escape and digest what you have experienced. Nairobi is teaching me so much about my white privilege and about who I am as a follower of Christ.

The uncomfortable truth is that some people would rather live in blissful negligence than know what the majority of the world experiences. There are people in this world that would rather not know because it is easier than knowing. If I'm being completely honest I envy those people who are blissfully unaware, because knowing about poverty is hard. I can not imagine knowing what I know about poverty and turning my back on it. I would be doing a great injustice to my fellow man, I would be selling myself short and above all else I would fail as a disciple.

Christ talks about caring for the poor so often that as Christians' you really can't overlook it. Through this experience here in Nairobi I understand why Christ said the poor will always be with you. According to the bible if I turn my back on the poor, I am turning my back on God. It is better to have never known than to know and turn your back.

Contrast Tour

2010-07-05T14:30:00.008-05:00

On sunday we went on a contrast tour. The tour was designed to let us see the contrast between the rich and the poor. As a little background Kenya ranks 4th in the world for the greatest gap between the rich and poor. So great poverty and great wealth are everywhere in this country. Also it is important to note that the official (according to the government) population of Nairobi is approximately 3.5 million people, while the actual population is somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 million people. This is because of the vast numbers of people that live in informal settlements. These people are not counted nor addressed unless it is an election year. Approximately 60 percent of the population live in these slums.
Kibera(right), the largest slum in Kenya and the second largest slum in Africa, has anywhere from 600,000 people to over 1.5 million people. Kibera is approximately 1 square mile, which makes up less than 1% of the total land area of Nairobi, while the population represents more than 25% of the population. Kibera is just one of many slums we will see while in Nairobi. We didn't actually visit kibera on this trip because we are making an entire day of the visit sometime down the line. I write the previous information because it sets the stage for later posts and for the things we saw on the tour.

We started out in the wealthy areas of Nairobi. We stopped at a mall that Dr. Ngugi (the resident professor on this trip) said would be like the ones we saw in the states. Honestly, I didn't believe him at first I thought "yeah, right, sure it will." As it turned out the only major difference was the fact that their were security guards with machine guns. I hated being there, it feels so horrible to be amongst so much poverty and yet indulge yourself in such simple pleasures. (Which points to the very issue in the US, we ignore our poverty and refuse to pay attention to it. Poverty is everywhere and yet we are completely oblivious to it.) After half an hour in the mall, which was 29 minutes too long, we left and continued on our tour. We drove through the area where the president lived, where lots of NGO's (non-governmental organizations) were, the U.S. Embassy and down the street where probably 50 countries were represented via their ambassador.

Soon, thereafter, we made our way to the poorer areas of town. We worked from the wealthy down through the middle classes and then to the extremely poor. It was nearly insane to see the differences. The number of people rose at a, seemingly, exponential rate. The number of cars grew, the number of trees decreased, the amount of trash rose, the quality of the roads fell, violence increased, danger increased and on and on I could go. I was sitting behind the driver and took as many photos as possible. I tried to be as discrete as possible; I held the camera inside the can on my knee and just used good timing to take pictures. They turned out extremely well given the method I was using. When we got into the slums I felt extremely endangered. Being a WHITE MAN in Nairobi is not often the best thing. However, it is good for me to be the minority, it helps growth and helps me understand that the world is not white.

At the end of the trip it was so hard to process all the information, it literally was information overload. Not that I am even close to processing the sights but I have had a few days to think about what I saw and the reality is so shocking yet influential. Albeit a short amount of time here in Nairobi, I know it will be a very life changing journey.

The First Few Days in Nairobi

2010-07-02T15:37:00.002-05:00

The title is a bit deceiving because I am going to start from the time I left Sioux Falls, SD.
I left Sioux Falls Regional Airport at 3:25 P.M. after exchanging many hugs and kisses with my wonderful fiance. It was very hard to see her walk away knowing that I wouldn't get to kiss her again for 2 months. However, we have done long distance more in our relationship than actually being together. So after arriving at the Airport 2 hrs early and sitting around for a while, Julie Ashworth came up and I found out that she also was flying to Amsterdam. We chatted about what I was doing and what she was doing in the Netherlands. It is pretty funny that I would be traveling so far with someone that I knew from church. We flew from FSD to MSP and then rushed to our flight to AMS. I didn't see Julie after we boarded the Amsterdam flight. I had a 2 hr lay-over in AMS and then flew to Nairobi. From take-off in Sioux Falls, to touch down in Nairobi it was 20:35 minutes. When we arrived in Nairobi, we collected our bags and headed for the apartments.
The apartments are quite beautiful, I feel a little weird about living in such luxury while working with such poverty. But the decision was not up to me and safety is a premium in this city. After unpacking in my apartment I went down to the program managers apartment for an informal group meeting and some Chakula(food). After an hour or so in the apartment I was ready for bed, so I went back up to my apartment and crawled under the mosquito net and fell into a deep slumber. It was quite weird sleeping under the mosquito net for the first time. There is nothing all that weird about them but the fact that I was in a place that used them was pretty exciting to me.

Day 1 in Nairobi,
We woke up in the morning and piled into our Matatus (small vans) and headed for the store. We bought cell phones, which have since proven to be quite annoying as I will explain later. The cell phone adventure took at least 2 hours plus all the traffic it took to get there and to our next destination. The entire morning was spent getting cell phones, but the experience of getting a cell phone in Nairobi was cool enough to prevent me from getting annoyed. After the cell phones we went and got some food, I got Beef Stew and a water for 400 +/ (Kenyan Shillings) which is about 5 US. After food we went shopping at the supermarket, I got fresh strawberries and some fresh pineapple juice. Then we went back to our apartments and I fell asleep before our first program meeting. I woke up in time to make the meeting and then went to bed shortly after. Day 1 was exciting.

Day 2 in Nairobi,
Today was a very big day. Today we had our symposium which brought in our field supervisors and many other leaders from the Human Rights(HR) sector. My field supervisor was sick so I didn't get a chance to meet her. However, the Executive Director of my NGO was there to give a presentation. She is quite the extraordinary woman. She just commands authority and is a very captivating speaker and is very intelligent. I'm excited to get to know her a little better and learn how she got her position and how I could take it from her. The symposium lasted from 12-5 when we departed to a restaurant/bar for drinks, food and soccer. I got the opportunity to chat with a young professional about her experiences and about how I would love to have a career in HR, she explained that I could do it since I have done so much and am getting this experience now. Hopefully I can learn a lot while I am on this trip. We left the bar at about 9:30 and I got the chance to talk with Michelle for the second time. She informed me that it is ridiculously expensive for me to call her or text her in the states. This is why I am so annoyed with the phone situation, She shouldn't be charged for me calling her. Verizon wireless sucks by the way. But now we will just have to set up skype dates, not ideal but we will make it work. Day 2 in Nairobi was awesome, I love this city and can't wait to gain more experience living in it. The culture of this city and of these people is so alive, I love that the world is so diverse. I'm going to love my time here.

I will be trying to blog more frequently, probably not everyday but at least a few times a week.

I would just like to close by saying that I deeply appreciate the sacrifice that my fiance, Michelle, is making. She has allowed me to attend the University of Washington and then travel halfway around the world. This will mean that we have been doing a long distance relationship for almost 16 months by the time we get married. Without her sacrifice I would not be the man I am, and I would not be able to pursue my dreams so whole-heartedly. Michelle, I love you so much and thank you for everything you have done and sacrificed to make this happen. I truly appreciate it and I want you to know that your sacrifices are not overlooked.

Life Changing Quotes

2010-01-31T02:04:00.004-06:00

I am presenting on Health, Human Rights and Social Transformation for Kenya next week and as I prepare the presentation I made sure to re-read a number of quotes that have literally changed my life. Every time I read one of these quotes I get that chill on the back of my neck.

"There's just no way that in good conscience we can allow poverty to remain the dividing line between success and failure in this country" - Geoffrey Canada

“[Dr. Sachs] helps us make sense of what senseless really means; fifteen thousand Africans die each and every day of preventable, treatable diseases—AIDS, Malaria, TB—for lack of drugs that we take for granted.
This statistic alone makes a fool of the idea many of us hold on to very tightly; the idea of equality. What is happening in Africa mocks our pieties, doubts our concern, and questions our commitment to that whole concept. Because if we’re honest, there’s no way we could conclude that such mass death day after day would ever be allowed to happen anywhere else. Certainly not in North America, or Europe, or Japan. An entire continent busting into flames? Deep down, if we really accept that their lives – African lives — are equal to ours, we would all be doing more to put the fire out. It’s an uncomfortable truth.” – Bono

“Where you live should no longer determine whether you live.” – Bono

“Let the future say of our generation that we sent forth mighty currents of hope, and that we worked together to heal the world.”
– Dr. Jeffrey Sachs

"Men go abroad to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long course of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, but they pass by themselves and don’t even notice."
– Aristotle

"From those early days, we learned the importance of picking fresh young people to run our branches. Surprisingly, people without previous work experience of any kind are often best suited for this. Previous work experience distracts new workers form the ideals and unique procedures of Grameen."
– Dr. Muhammad Yunus

"When we want to help the poor, we usually offer them charity. Most often we use charity to avoid recognizing the problem and finding a solution for it. Charity becomes a way to shrug off our responsibility. But charity is no solution to poverty. Charity only perpetuates poverty by taking the initiative away from the poor. Charity allows us to go ahead with our own lives without worrying about the lives of the poor. Charity appeases our consciences."
– Dr. Muhammad Yunus

Looking forward to the weekend

2010-01-26T23:00:00.003-06:00

I'm so ready for my fiance to come visit me this weekend. She is coming to Seattle for the weekend and will be here from Sunday until Wednesday. Not a terribly long time but it is a long awaited visit. We are going to go wedding band shopping and will get Michelle's ring sized. We will also be hanging out with some of my friends and seeing the city, it's nice right now. Incredible weather hopefully it lasts at least while she is here.

Grameen Foundation

2010-01-14T16:25:00.002-06:00

I Just applied to a position withe Grameen Foundation. I couldn't imagine a better place to work, or a better fit. There are only a hand full of social justice companies that I actually think are effective and this is one of them. If you don't know about the Grameen Foundation you should check it out.

The Grameen Foundation is a social justice organization that seeks to empower Bangladeshi women through Micro-credit. This is the sister company to the Nobel Prize winning organization Grameen Bank. Founded by Nobel Peace Prize winning professor, Dr. Muhammad Yunus in 1976. This organization provides extremely small loans, Micro-credit, in the belief that all people have specific inalienable skills that can pull themselves out of poverty. The real issue that these women face is a source of capital. They simply cannot afford to purchase the materials necessary to build their goods. Micro-credit provides these women with that source of capital.

The concept of Micro-credit is truly life changing, like all things that are life changing they are extremely tough. The reality is that it took years of effort for this movement to take off but now it appears to be one of only a few things that are actually accomplishing the MDG's, Millenium Development Goals.

I encourage anyone who hasn't looked into this movement to check it out.

The Harlem Children's Zone

2009-12-07T19:37:00.002-06:00

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5914322n

Check out this Video. What a brilliant idea.

Homeless in a Coffe Shop

2009-11-11T16:06:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting in a coffee shop working on homework and there are 2 young women sitting across from me at a table for 4. A homeless man walks in and purchases a few things, sits down at the table with the young women. He minds his own business, sips his coffee and eats his bread. The table for 4 is the only place for him to sit. As soon as another table opens up the young women get up and move to the new table. The look on the mans face was heart wrenching. He hadn't done anything wrong, why did they move? It's hard for me to see the homeless man hurt. He looks lonely and tired. I wonder what goes through his mind as he sits there... alone. It is moments like this that I know why I am here in Seattle, why I am 22 hrs from the women I love, 22 hrs from my friends, and 22hrs from comfort. I am here in Seattle to learn how to fight this injustice. Homeless is a sad part of our world, it is a useless part of our world, no one should experience what the man across the room is experiencing.

Breaking News

2009-09-30T17:33:00.003-05:00

So it is my first day of classes here at UW. So far I have only had 1 class, Water Resource Economics. The professor is a brilliant man who will provide me with loads of information. We will be using economic tools to help study the water scarcity issues in Sub-Saharan Africa. Needless to say I will be learning a ridiculous amount of tools in this class.

The most important event that took place today was the fact that I got offered a position as a TA. This will help me get an in with other professors so that I can possibly get a great internship. But the best thing is that it will help me pay tuition.

God is good. I am a really lucky guy.

I'm Living in Seattle

2009-09-23T16:51:00.002-05:00

Well I'm here. So far everything has been fantastic, aside from me missing my amazing girlfriend. We are hoping to see each other at the end of October. Seattle is an amazing city. The population of the city is a little more than 500,000 but the area is a little over 3,500,000. Needless to say Seattle is a far cry from Sioux Falls. The school is enormous and amazing, already I can tell that I am going to love it here. The crazy thing about grad school is that everyone is brilliant, everyone has their own niche and everyone wants to do something amazing. I feel a little intimidated, at first, but the more I think about it the more privileged I feel. I am in a school with so many amazing people and I am one of about 10 people that made it straight from undergrad. There are 120 new students this year and the application were up well over 35%. About 1000 applications were received and 200 offers were extended.

I love the University of Washington and am now equipping myself to make a huge difference in this world. Wish me luck on the way because even though I am confident now, I will probably start to be a little uncertain in the coming weeks.

Religious Economics

2009-07-02T14:28:00.002-05:00

What is economics? What is Religious Economics? Economics is the study of how we allocate a limited amount of resources. Religious Economics is the study of economics and religion. In just one example I think that I can show how economics is the most applicable study. Economics has its hand in everything. We are all driven by our wants and needs. Typically our wants take a much greater precedent than do our needs. For example, why is it that we are willing to pay so much more for diamonds than we are willing to pay for necessities like, water or food. We are willing to pay so much more for a great diamond because we want it not because we need it. We need water and we are rarely willing to pay anything for it. In fact we can find water for free at almost every firm we enter. Funny how our wants drive us more than our needs.

Religious Economics? What if we viewed God as an economically driven force. Then we would end up with God willing to pay more for something he wants rather than something he needs. The fact of the matter is that God doesn't need us to do anything. He can do it all on his own without our help, but he wants us to help. Therefore, He is willing to pay a much higher price for us. He pays nothing for the things He needs but He died on the cross for the things He wanted. God paid the ultimate price for what he wanted.

Economics is a driving force in everything we do. We all face opportunity costs on a minute to minute basis. The fact that you are reading this is an opportunity cost, you could be eating, sleeping, working, studying, or a smattering of other options. Nevertheless, you chose to read this blog, therefore your opportunity cost must be that reading this is more valuable to you than do whatever else you could be doing. Humanity is driven by our own utility, by what makes us happy. Our utility cannot be defined in a textbook and no two peoples utilities are exactly alike. Economics is the study of how to maximize utility. How does everyone maximize pleasure at the same time. There is no such thing as a great deal, the price is simply a reflection of what we are willing to pay. The price I pay for a good could be completely different than the price you are willing to pay for the same good, yet we both get a great deal.

God is willing to pay a heck of a lot more for each of us, because he wants us. Not because he needs us. It is a beautiful thing to be wanted, rather than needed. Everything can be defined in terms of economics, cost and demand, wants and needs, desire and attainability. Religious Economics tells us that God really wants us because His price for us was greater than we are willing to pay for some random person on the street. You might be willing to die for your parents or significant other, but are you willing to die for the random person you cross in the street. Keep in mind that God died for all those random people in the street. God's price is unattainably high, He wants us so much that no one will ever be able to make the same purchase. Yet He knows He got a great deal for the price He paid. Economics is at work in everything from religion to diamonds and water.

Interesting Experience

2009-06-19T00:54:00.002-05:00

I'd like to preface this post with a scene from "The Family Man." In this particular scene a young girl, walks up to the counter to pay for some food that she had purchased, the convenience store clerk, played by Don Cheadle, gives the young girl her change. Only he purposefully gives her a $10 instead of a $1. As he counts out the money to her she notices and pretends that she didn't. She then walks out of the store and Don Cheadle says something to the effect of "Selling your dignity for a mere $10." This is one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie and it has dramatically changed the way I approach a monetary error on the part of a clerk. Now I would never purposefully take extra money. Before seeing this, which I saw for the first time my freshman year of High School, I would have kept the money. I can honestly say I have never except extra money on purpose, its funny how often it happens though.

The point of this post is to point out an interesting experience. One of my friends and I were at a movie tonight, and prior to going to the movie we went to the grocery store to get some food. While in the movie my friend noticed that the clerk had accidentally given him a $5 instead of a $1. After the movie he said that we needed to go back to the store, and then after a few clarification questions I found out why. (If you know this person you know that he doesn't very often elaborate on his reasoning or answers, he is the pinnacle one-word answer type of guy.) When we got to the store to return the money the manager was very shocked by my friends honesty and actually asked "well you can return the $5, its up to you?" (As if we had returned to the store to boast about their error.) My friend didn't explain the situation on his own very well and both he and the manager were a little confused, so I explained what each party wanted and we got it all figured out. My friend exchanged the $5 for the $1, and we left.

I found it very interesting that this particular friend went back to return the money. Not that I expected him to keep it, but it is just refreshing to know that there are such honest people in the world still. I get to be friends with those type of people, and it is a real blessing to have such good friends.

Struggling

2009-06-18T01:22:00.003-05:00

So as you all know my wonderful girlfriend is in L.A. I am so proud of her for doing this type of ministry, but that said, I miss her. We get to talk a lot more than we expected but we are starting to feel the burdens of long distance. It is hard to stay really connected when you are so far away. We are are not even remotely close to calling it quits so no one freak out. I am merely noticing the struggles. Honestly, it makes me very nervous for next year, when I am in Seattle and she is here in Sioux Falls.

The fact that we are staring such a long time so far apart is very intimidating. This is why it is so absolutely important that I get a Grad Assistant position. There are two main benefits that come with a GA position, I get school paid for and I get paid really well. Getting school paid for will result in me graduating with a Masters degree and NO debt, huge relief. Also the spending money will mean that I can afford to fly back and see Michelle or fly her out to see me. Please pray for me to find a GA position.

We are hoping that the long distance while I'm in Seattle will not be as hard, but we have no idea. The hope is that maybe we will develop even better communication skills and learn how to stay better connected so far away, after all practice makes perfect. Michelle and I are very committed to this relationship but that doesn't mean that we have to enjoy the idea of spending more than a year apart, and that's assuming she moves to Seattle after graduation. Which brings me to my final point.

We make all these plans but they don't mean anything unless God is blessing them. Michelle and I feel that our relationship has been very blessed up to this point and we are hoping that our plans align with God's. It is an interesting thing to be where I am at, trying to follow God's calling and being very excited about it. Maybe it's just that whenever I hear of someone "truly" following God's plan, it was something they never thought they would do. I love what I am going to do, so I am concerned that my plan is not what God has in mind (just me making an observation). However, everything I have learned so far about sustainable development has resulted in me feeling closer to God, hopefully a good sign. I just know that our plans will fail without His blessing, and I want nothing more than to do His will. I really hope He has a plan for me to pay for school and still be able to see Michelle. This long distance crap sucks.

I know that He has a plan for us and I am very excited to discover what it is. Up to this point He has held our relationship together and sent us on some very interesting adventures, so I have no reason to believe He will stop working on us now. Thanks be to God, for blessing me with the best girlfriend I could ask for; She makes such huge sacrifices for me, is way out of my league, she is smarter, she is definitely the more attractive one, and is overall the type of woman all men desire to date. She is absolutely amazing and I love that she is way to good for me, because it means that I get to work my butt off pursuing her everyday. I am so blessed and can't wait to see what else God has in store for our lives.

Review of Dead Aid

2009-06-12T02:25:00.002-05:00

So I just finished the second book of the summer, Dead Aid. This book is split into two major sections, the first describes why aid to Africa is not working, hence Dead Aid. The second section of the book provides alternatives to aid. The second portion of the book is pretty good, the main alternatives that are laid out are; trade,FDI(Foreign Direct Investment), the capital markets, remittances, micro-financing, and savings. All of these alternatives are great, however, they do require some pretty big things. At the very minimum they require a stabilized government and infrastructure, which even Moyo says is complicated.
My major issue with this book is that she contradicts herself a lot, its almost as if she hasn't done her research. she bashes aid as if it has done nothing, and bashes the major players that have advocated for aid (Sachs and Collier). Dambisa Moyo says that aid is dead and that it has done nothing, but fails to admit the things that it has done. Africa is in a unique place, and she seems to overlook that. Anyone who can look at a map can see that Africa is an interesting continent, one riddled with huge complications. Overall I did not like this book, because the author writes with little authority, making statements that are assumed to be true simply because she has a Ph.D. The second reason that I didn't really like the book is because it is poorly written, meaning the construction of her sentences is very hard to follow. While this book was not a great read it did provide some interesting insight, which I'm sure I'll find as a reoccurring theme in most books I read this summer.

Great Weekend

2009-06-01T01:08:00.003-05:00

Spent the weekend at Nate's cabin. We had ourselves a sweet little adventure. Hunting carp with bow and arrow. Felt like a little kid, but it was awesome. It's nice to do different stuff every week since Michelle has to actually be doing something with her life. Loved the lake, can't wait to go back, it's really nice to have such great friends. I love my life.

Review of The End of Poverty

2009-05-29T15:23:00.000-05:00

The End of Poverty is a book that seeks to help end extreme poverty by 2025. The book takes simple concepts and applies them on a global scale. Dr. Sachs makes no effort to say that this is an easy transition, but what he does, is say that this is possible.
The first portion of this book is spent going through Sachs’ background in foreign consultation that gives him the ability to make such large claims, substantially defining his resume. The books first nine chapters discuss specifically the techniques used in different countries that will help in Africa. The first nine chapters are the foundation with which Sachs builds his plan out of. Chapters 10-15 are more of a quantitative approach to ending poverty. This section of the book gives a lot of empirical data to support the plan that Sachs is laying out. This is also the primary section of the book where the plan to end poverty is laid out. The final three chapters, 16-18, are a qualitative approach to ending poverty. If the numbers weren’t enough to influence the readers opinion then Sachs provides you with ethical and social reasons why we should follow the plan.
The fact that I read this book as my first experience with global poverty is a scary concept. From here on out the books will have to be incredible to influence me like this one has. I will try to keep an open mind as I read, because I’m assuming that the vast majority of books won’t be as controversial as Sachs’. Chances are any books written after The End of Poverty will make direct links to the book, either for good or bad.

1 down 7 to go

2009-05-29T14:50:00.002-05:00

So I have been reading The End of Poverty for about a year and I finally finished it. This book is amazing and should not take a year to read, unless your like me and decide to do original research because the book was so inspiring. Nevertheless, I am finished and this will go down as one of the most influential books in my life. Thank you Dr. Sachs for being so brilliant. Now I am on my way to reading 7 other books this summer. 1 book for a year and then 7 in a summer, for a math guy these numbers don't add up :) Well time to begin, Dead Aid by Dambisa Moyo.

Terrorists?

2009-05-28T12:35:00.002-05:00

The United States makes up approximately 4% of the worlds population, yet magically we are involved in the vast majority of wars. We have had our hand in everything, from arranged assassinations of African officials to the capture of Saddam Husein. We do little in the areas of socioeconomic help for the worlds poorest people. Yet we want the world to like us. Is it any wonder that the rest of the world does not hates and fears our very existence. Many nations believe us to be the terrorists, the murderers, and the thieves. How can you blame them when we care so little about our own people, care nothing about the poor of the world, and only seek to turn a profit. Sounds an awful lot to me like we are the terrorists of the world. Dignified, educated, and powerful, yet we have affected the world with more war than any other modern nation.
The United States in 2004 spent 30 times the amount of money on the military than we did on foreign aid. $15 billion was spent on foreign aid while $450 billion was spent on military. Keep in mind that this is 2004 and the war on terror has since become more expensive. President Bush once said that it was our duty to help the world and to feed the poor. How did he go about doing that? By giving about $1 billion in food aid. That amounts to about $1 per subsistence farmer. We make great claims that we want to help the world yet our actions speak far louder than our words. What if we actually did what we said we would do? How would our world be better if the United States took the lead in helping the world?
If patriotism means loving ones country, then what is to be said about those of us that are ashamed to be an American. We are murderers and thieves, and the only difference between American terrorists and the rest of the world is that we do it in a business suit.

What If We Actually Did What We Were Committed To

2009-05-27T12:22:00.002-05:00

So I'm finishing up the book that has literally changed my life, The End of Poverty. One of the most interesting things about this book is that Dr. Sachs lays out a plan to end poverty by 2025. To make this happen the rich world needs to do what we actually committed to doing. We committed to give .7 percent of our GDP to fund sustainable development programs. We committed to giving only 7 cents out of every $10. Sachs has a great quote that address this issue. "The effort required of the rich is indeed so slight that to do less is to announce brazenly to a large part of the world 'you count for nothing.' We should not be surprised, then, if in later years the rich reap the whirlwind of that heartless response." Wow, what would our world look like if we did what we said we would do? What if we stopped the lying and actually followed through for a change? Then we might actually be liked by other countries. Rather than pretending the rest of the world likes us, because they don't.

The Three Little Pigs as a Metaphor for Economic Development

2009-05-26T21:44:00.002-05:00

This is just a rough draft of this thought that I had while reading tonight. So be gentle while you read it.

The story of the “Three Little Pigs” is a widely understood story. The basic moral of the story is that you should prepare well so that in the future you will be safe and secure. What if we looked at the story of the three little pigs a little differently? What if we looked at the story and thought of economic development at the same time? There is a lot of great insight that can be gained by comparing the story of the “Three little Pigs” with economic development.

First, let’s read the story of the three little pigs and then we can address the comparison. This will help those that do not know the story to better relate to the comparison later on.

Once upon a time there were three little pigs and the time came for them to leave home and seek their fortunes. Before they left, their mother told them “Whatever you do, do it the best that you can because that's the way to get along in the world.”

The first little pig built his house out of straw because it was the easiest thing to do.

The second little pig built his house out of sticks.

This was a little bit stronger than a straw house.

The third little pig built his house out of bricks.

One night the big bad wolf, who dearly loved to eat fat little piggies, came along and saw the first little pig in his house of straw. He said "Let me in, Let me in, little pig or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!"

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin", said the little pig.

But of course the wolf did blow the house in and ate the first little pig.

The wolf then came to the house of sticks.

"Let me in ,Let me in little pig or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in" "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin", said the little pig.

But the wolf blew that house in too, and ate the second little pig.

The wolf then came to the house of bricks.

"Let me in , let me in" cried the wolf

"Or I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your house in"

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin" said the pigs.

Well, the wolf huffed and puffed but he could not blow down that brick house.

But the wolf was a sly old wolf and he climbed up on the roof to look for a way into the brick house.

The little pig saw the wolf climb up on the roof and lit a roaring fire in the fireplace and placed on it a large kettle of water.

When the wolf finally found the hole in the chimney he crawled down and KERSPLASH right into that kettle of water and that was the end of his troubles with the big bad wolf.

The next day the little pig invited his mother over. She said "You see it is just as I told you. The way to get along in the world is to do things as well as you can." Fortunately for that little pig, he learned that lesson. And he just lived happily ever after!

Now that we have heard the story of the “Three Little Pigs” we can begin to build the comparison.

Lets start the building of the metaphor by reassigning each of the characters in the “Three Little Pigs.” From here on out we will think of the Big Bad Wolf as the idea of a poverty trap, or anti-development. Each of the little pigs will represent countries that approach development economics in a similar fashion as they did to building homes in the story. Finally the mother will represent the organization and NGO’s that focus on development economics. Now that we have established our new characters we can build the metaphor and explain development economics through a simplified story.

Looking at the first little pig we see that he did the very least possible to prevent the big bad wolf. In this same way, so many countries are doing the minimum work required to secure an economic future for the people. The reality is that these countries are the types of countries that USAID should overlook. USAID works in a contract type deal with foreign countries; In this system the countries are aided if and only if they can show proof of an effort to work towards sustainable development. If countries do not show proof of sustainable development progress then they are not helped by USAID nearly as much if at all. The vast majority of organizations that work with foreign nations to build sustainable development use the same type of methodology; with responsibilities on both sides.

In our story we saw that the first little pig did not do his responsibilities to prevent the big bad wolf from attacking. Much the same, we see many countries not preventing the big bad wolf from attacking them. The end result is that the country is “eaten” by their lethargic nature. All countries that are represented by the first little pig have built their poverty reduction strategies out of straw. These strategies fold under the slightest pressure and the country is stuck in a poverty trap. Essentially these countries will pay the ultimate price for the fact that they are not doing what is required of them to meet the Millennium Development Goals.

The most frustrating thing is that they know what should be done to prevent major development struggles. Even in the “Three Little Pigs” the mother warned the pigs to do their best in everything they did. The mother knew that the little pigs would suffer if they did not do what they were supposed to. In the same way we all know that the countries have a much greater chance of failing if they do not listen to the governing officials of the development economic organizations. These organizations know what is best and how to make it happen. If the countries would only listen to people like Dr. Jeffrey Sachs they would struggle far less. Dr. Sachs knows that the only major issue with development is, ironically, the developed world. The people within the wealthy donor countries fail time and again to meet the requirements of the developing world. This leads us straight to our second little pig.

In the story we saw that the second little pig made some progress towards preventing attacks from the Big Bad Wolf. However, he also came up short because he failed to use the right material. If we apply the second little pig philosophy to the developing world we see that these countries are taking proper measures towards development, but are failing for one reason or another. In this scenario the countries are doing what they are supposed to but are not getting the proper aid. These countries are meeting their responsibilities in the two way contracts with companies like USAID. But now the donor support is not coming in. To see this example played out we need look no further than the Ghana Poverty Reduction Strategy (GPRS).

The GPRS established regulations to help get the country out of poverty. Ghana is a relatively stable country, operating in a multiparty democracy with a fairly high literacy rate (around 92%). So an outside would think that this country would be the best case scenario for getting donor help. The GPRS required around $8 billion over five years to meet the standards set in their poverty reduction strategy. When it was first looked at by the wealthy donor countries it was slashed down to $6 billion. Then the country had to revise the plan and the outcome was the same, another slashing. This process was repeated a number of times until the strategy was reduced to about $2 billion for the same five year period. Later a representative would say that the original plan was not realistic. By realistic apparently he meant that the donor world would not be able to give $8 billion.

$8 billion seems like a lot of money but that’s because we are thinking of an individual rather than the entire donor world. The reality is that $2 billion still seems like an abundance of money, looking a little closer we see differently. Dividing up that same amount of money to the population over the five year period we are talking about only $16 in aid over a five year period. Or $3 a year. Obviously this a pathetic amount of aid and the donor world has failed to meet its side of the responsibilities. The second little pig failed because he used the wrong material, he did not meet his complete responsibilities. The second little pig was trying to build a nice home but did not have the funds to do it so he settled for the sticks. He had the right strategy, unlike the first little pig, but nevertheless failed. In the same way the countries are failing because the developing world is using the wrong material. The developing country is doing everything they can to meet the strategy but the contract is not met. The pigs house would have held if he used strong wood but all he could muster was the meager sticks. The developing country could only muster a percentage of the required funds.

The second little pig represents all those countries that are doing everything they can to get out of poverty but are still failing. They are failing because the strategy for development is failing from the wealthy donor perspective. The donor world is expecting the poorest countries to escape poverty with so minimal funds it simply isn’t possible. How could they possibly get out of poverty with only a fraction of the required funds? This is the biggest failure with the poverty reduction strategy of the world. The strategy says get out of poverty with this much money and no more. A better strategy would be for the donor countries to ask the developing world how much will it cost for you to get out of poverty and then do whatever it takes to raise that money. The strategy of the second little pig is not enough.

Finally, we get to the third little pig and the remainder of the story. This little pig did everything he was supposed to do with all the right material. He took his mothers words of wisdom and learned the lesson quickly. In the end this little pig triumphed over the big bad wolf and actually killed him. For our developing country this is a good sign. If they take the advice of the proper organization and do everything they can then they two will triumph over the big bad wolf. This is the strategy that we need to look for from now on.

Organizations that deal with sustainable development look for countries that are meeting their responsibilities and then find out what they need to meet the established poverty reduction strategy. This method allows the developing country to set a goal and then establish how much money they need, rather than setting their strategy based on how much money they have. In our story the third little pig knew that he would need a strong home and so he developed a strategy and then built the home.

Graduation

2009-05-25T21:15:00.002-05:00

Sunday I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Mathematics and Business Administration. It was a great day the only thing that could have made it better was if my girlfriend were there to celebrate it. My favorite uncle came up from Chicago to surprise me and that had to be the highlight of the week for me. I was so happy. The summer has started and I do not have a job, but I'm ok with it. I plan on flying down to L.A. to visit Michelle and then probably out to Seattle to interview for positions and to look for housing. Life is starting and I am very excited about it. While I am here in Sioux Falls I plan to read a lot and enjoy the free time that I have. Lots of Mountain Biking. Go Lakers.

Life Changing Events

2009-03-26T13:14:00.002-05:00

So I just got accepted to Grad School yesterday and while I am very excited I am also very bummed. It is a weird place to be, excited about being accepted but feeling like it could change everything. I don't really know how to put most of the feelings and thoughts into words so I'll just try to fumble through it.
If I go to grad school next year (fall 09) I would be away from Michelle for 15 months. She is taking an internship in LA for the summer then I would leave for Seattle and then would go to Tanzania the following summer.
If I pass up going to grad school I will be away from Michelle for 6 Months. She would be in LA all summer and I would go to Tanzania in September.
I have dreamed of going to grad school for quite some time but now I have aspirations of going to Tanzania. It is weird to have to choose your dreams. I never thought I would have the opportunity to have both. The problem is that I don't want to be gone from Michelle for over a year, but I miss Jason who also lives in Seattle.
I will do both for that I am sure, the decision is when to do them. Either way I will have to make sacrifices. To put it quite bluntly "This Sucks."

Certainly Uncertain

2009-01-26T01:20:00.002-06:00

Sometime I feel like life is this never ending swing from certainty to complete uncertainty. There are things that I am always certain about. I know they will be there for me when I am struggling, when I can't do it on my own, and when I am uncertain of other things in my life. But then there are those times when I feel completely lost, I am in the middle of the ocean and I have no destination, every direction could be the right direction. I know that the path I choose will be blessed, that in the ended I will arrive at where ever I was supposed to be. I cannot look into the past to figure out my mistakes because I am simply too different now for those to play a correct role. I rarely make the same mistake twice, but this is a path I have never traveled and I do not know if I am making any mistakes. I am certainly uncertain about a lot of things that my future holds. I pray that I make the right choices, if I do not make the right choices I pray that I am quickly redirected. I do not care how hard it will be, I am ready for a challenge. I just wish I knew what fight I was supposed to step into. I desperately DO NOT want to be the guy that is "looking for a fight because he isn't in one." I am certain of a lot of things, I am uncertain of even more things. I am on a pendulum, I am certainly uncertain of what to call this pendulum, I am certainly uncertain of who I am, I am ... Certainly Uncertain.

Charity:Water

2009-01-12T14:30:00.003-06:00

Check out the link on the right. This is one of the gifts that Michelle got me for Christmas. It's the coolest gift I have ever gotten and I think you should really check this out.

Cross Cultural Solutions

2009-01-02T12:42:00.004-06:00

New Year's Eve I was looking at options in case I don't get accepted to Grad School and I stumbled upon this website. It appears that it would be everything I want in an opportunity. I would be looking to do the internship abroad for 12 weeks in Tanzania. I have already done quite a bit of research on this country and it seems to be the perfect fit. I am still gathering information and will be continually praying about my options. If anyone has options that would be helpful to me then by all means let me know, I would love it. For now I continue to be impressed by this organization and am seriously considering doing this option. If you want to check out the website just click on the title and browse around the Tanzania pages

African Possibilities

2008-12-07T23:21:00.002-06:00

As many of you know I am looking into going to grad school but another option just struck me. I was thinking that I might not get excepted into school so I starting thinking what I would do if I didn't go. What would I do with my life. I have done lots of studying on African poverty and thought it would be a unique experience to actually move to Africa for about 6 months. I am not looking to do mission work as much as I am looking to do research. I would love the opportunity to travel from village to village to study all aspects of poverty. I think that grad school will always be there and as long as I am young and have the opportunity I might as well take it. I will now start the process of looking for an organization that would do something along these lines. The beautiful thing is that I don't really know what I want to do so I am open to lots of options. If this goes well, and I find an organization that meets what I am looking for I would consider passing up grad school even if I got excepted. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Growing Older

2008-11-04T18:09:00.002-06:00

I was eating dinner with a very good friend of mine and we had a great conversation about living in the present and planning for the future. As we have grown older we see different things that we don't like about some of our classmates and ourselves. We find that far to often people go back into the high school mode and hang out with only a select group of friends, a click if you will. We find it funny because when you first arrive at college you make friends with all kinds of people, but, unfortunately, as the years pass and our pride grows stronger relationships begin to fade. Why is it that we stop seeking to be friends with some of the people that were initially very close? What is this crap about people growing apart? I don't think there is such a thing as "growing apart," there is either communicating or not communicating. Friends that last the ages are the ones that put there pride by the wayside and decide that someone is worth put themselves out there. So as we grow older we need to stop worrying about what people will say or what they will think and do the right thing.
Its funny how when your a kid you don't really care about what people think about you but then you get older, and all of a sudden meaningless peoples opinions matter. Why is that? We worry all the time about so many dumb things, we get swallowed up in the gossip and forget what we are here for.
As a freshmen in college you have little worries and are barely thinking about the future, that is the future that lies after college. However, as a senior it is really all some of us are thinking about. To be honest, I think about it all the time. The problem isn't that we think about the future, its that we forget to live life right now. Some of us are in such a hurry to get out of college, while others are scared about the thought of having to join the "real world." I definitely fall into the ladder category. I am so scared about what my future holds.
I have found that as we grow older we seem to find fewer answers and have even more questions. Maybe that is what it means to be wise, that is to say, maybe being wise is simply traveling through the ebb and flow of our lives. We take the good with bad and learn as much as we can about each situation. Note that learning does not constitute knowledge, it is simply understanding a situation in its context. As we learn more about each situation more and more questions arise.
My questions could go on for pages and pages but right now some of the most significant questions in my life have to do with what happens after college. Do I go to graduate school? What would that mean for my girlfriend and I? Do we do long distance or do I wait for her to finish? In either case the inevitable question is "marriage?" Will I marry her or not? If I don't get accepted to the school do I wait around here and try to find a job? Am I waiting for my girlfriend? Is that even right? Should I wait for her? Do I put my life on hold because I care about someone very deeply? If we don't get married would that time be wasted or would I actually learn something of value. Each question results in more questions. What, Oh what does my future hold for me?
My prayer is that God's plan prevails, that above all else his will be done. If it is his will for me to go to graduate school then I hope that the way will be made clear. If his will is not for me to go to graduate school then I pray that that way will be made clear. All I can do is find rest that when we are in the midst of exile, from our own minds, our lives, our certainties, that God has a plan for us, and that that plan is for our benefit. His plan will not bring us harm but will bring us our future, our hope, our salvation.
It just occurred to me that Jesus Christ is more than the way to everlasting life, he is the way to life eternal, life both here on earth and in heaven. Maybe in the midst of my crisis, while writing this God has lead me to the answer that I need. Maybe every question I ask is answered in one word, GOD!!

If a picture is worth a thousand words, whats a video worth? What are two videos worth?

2008-10-30T00:28:00.003-05:00

Start of the Trip

2008-10-24T15:36:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I flew out of Sioux Falls at around 4:30 pm. I flew to Denver and then to Seattle. I was picked up by Jason at 7:45 PST. We drove back from the airport and drove through downtown. absolutely beautiful, we then grabbed some food and came back to his apartment. After settling in we took a short walk to a park near his apartment. The view from this park was so sweet. Downtown on the left with the space needle in the middle then the Puget Sound on the right, with the other side of the city rising up on the far hill. Such an amazing sight. We then came back and chatted with Mandy when she got back.
Friday Morning
We got up at 7:15 and got ready for the day. Jason and I took Mandy to work and then the two of us went to Stone Gardens, the climbing gym where Jason works. I was absolutely blown away because the entire place was covered in climbing holds. Jason showed me a few of his favorite routes and I tried some of those while he worked. When he finished him and I climbed together until noon. There was so many climbs and it was so cool to try some really big dyno's. Jason showed me up on a huge dyno that was probably about 7 feet to the hold and you had to grab with one hand. So amazing. In the end I had to quit because my hands were killing me. I have two big blood blisters on my middle fingers. I would have loved to continue climbing but I was tired and sore. We then went to eat at a local Pizzeria and shopped at some of the local joints.
So far I love this city. It is definitely a place I could live. Its a weird city because it is huge but is so laid back, it still has that small town feel. I love the culture out here and hope that it is a place that I will soon be able to call my home.

Final Projects

2008-10-15T08:02:00.002-05:00

As a senior I have two final projects to do, one for colloquium and one for senior seminar. Colloquium is a class where you present a project that is purely scientific. You present in front of the entire science department and in front of students that are in the class or come because a professor requires them to come.Also your presentation should be about a 1/2 hour total. Senior seminar is similar except that your presentation is 1 hour and is presented in front of the math and computer science department.
My Projects;
For my colloquium I am creating an economic model. It will be titled "Modeling of Economic instability and Extreme Poverty." I will be picking 12 nations ranging from what I assume to be wealthy nations and poor nations. Then I will find as much data as possible discussing the wealth, or lack there of, of the country. Then I will run a linear regression that will create a function with respect to poverty measures. Essentially this will allow me to look at any country in the world and the function will tell me why the country is in economic instability. It will tell me what factors, statistically significant or not, are causing the country to be unstable. I promise this is easier to explain in person because the explanation is primarily based off of questions that the audience would ask.
For my senior seminar I will be looking at the distribution of poor people. my goal is to analyze the question of how many poor people are actually in the world. 200 years ago roughly 80% of the worlds population was defined to be extremely poor, now only about 15% is defined to be extremely poor. This causes us to raise the question, what does it mean to be defined extremely poor. If we applied the same definition that was present 200 years ago would we have a different percentage of people considered extremely poor. Maybe it is not that we have fewer poor people but it is actually that we have redefined what it means to be poor.

The Best Birthday Ever VS The Best Girlfriend In History of Girlfriends

2008-10-09T17:17:00.003-05:00

Well my Birthday was yesterday and it was amazing. But the real question is; is my girlfriend the best ever? Did Michelle make my birthday so amazing? Well the answer to both of those is yes.

A couple important prefacing statements about Michelle and I. It is important to know that we, Michelle and I, believe God has played a huge role in bringing us together. Things are so good that neither of us can believe how good they really are. We are always saying that things in our relationship seem like what you would see in a movie.

So my amazing birthday started the very minute I rolled out of bed. I went to go shower and I noticed that Michelle had slipped a little note under my door. The note simply told me that she cared about me very much and that she wanted to spend the day showing me that. She called the day a "Day of Favorite Things." So the goal was to show me some of my favorite things and some of hers. That was just the first note.
The second note showed up after I got back from my morning classes. I opened the door and there was a bag of chocolate kisses and another note. The note explained that she knows how much I want to kiss her. "So why not start out your day with what you want the most" she writes. Her closing statement got me even more excited, "Your day of favorites has begun."
She knows me pretty well, kissing is one of my favorite things and we are not kissing at all. Very funny Michelle.
Well I had a lot of homework to do so I spent the next two hours working on that. At noon Michelle showed up at my room and we went to lunch at one of our favorite places, Qdoba. (Little shout out to Jason for introducing me to the savory goodness of "The Dob.") We rode to lunch on my moped which we both love so much and have spent a lot of time on.
We got back to school and went to our class. After class I came back to my room and got ready to go climbing, by far my favorite thing. Michelle showed up, like she always does, at about 2. We hang out everyday from 2-2:30 before she goes to work. This is one of our favorite times of the day, especially on Wednesday's because we don't get to see each other until 9ish because of youth group stuff. Before she left I said that this was the first time I had come back from classes and not gotten a card or a gift. She then presented me with a 6-pack of IBC Root Beer, so amazing.
Michelle went to work and Micah and I went climbing. We went out and did a sweet 5.11 that is a total overhang and has some really tough moves. I haven't gotten it yet, but hopefully I can. For me to make it I am going to have to make a pretty tough dyno that comes from my upper body strength rather than my legs. It is full extension for Micah who has about an 8" reach more than I do. My shoes are finally broke in so they aren't excrutiating. It took about a week for them to fit my feet without absolutely killng. Totally worth it now that they are broken in and fit like a glove. Awesome day to be out there though. Beautiful weather and great company and conversation.
When I got back from climbing I went straight to youth group to help with confirmation, coffee cup and High School Youth Group. Had a ton of fun with the kids. Had ice cream at coffee cup because everyone knows that I love ice cream.
Now for my favorite part of the day by far. This one act is what makes me KNOW that michelle is the best girlfriend ever. When I got back to my room I entered the most amazing setting I have ever seen, very movie like. I entered to the sound of "In My Arms" by Jon Foreman, a song I often sing to Michelle. My room was covered in little post-it notes that had reasons why she liked me. This is a list of a few of them:
I like that you are not ashamed to tell everyone that I am your girlfriend
I like that look you get on your face when you see me
I like that I look to you and see a man-of-God!
I like how you look at me differently that you look at anyone else
I like it that we don't ever fight
I like you A lot!
I like it that you tell me that you like me everyday
I like that you are so giving and you are constantly doing things for me
I like it that our relationship is often just like a movie
I like it that you have such a great capacity to love
I like it that you tell me I am beautiful
I like it when I hear your footsteps in my hall and I know you will be knocking on my door soon.

That isn't even a quarter of them. When I say that they were all over my room I mean it. I found them in my fridge, microwave, backpack, closet, on my bed, computer, chairs, and everywhere else you can possible imagine.
Next to my computer was a stack of blue post-it notes that had her favorite texts that I had sent her. There was also a stack of pink post-it notes that had her favorite moments in our relationship. You simply cannot imagine the feeling that was going through my body.

The sucky thing here was that I didn't get to see her because I needed to go to a night session for a test that I set up. After that was done I went over to michelles room where we cuddled and talked. She told me she had two more things for me. This was the start of the day where it was her favorite things. She pulled out a cake from her fridge "Better than sex cake." She didn't even know that this was my favorite cake too. I had it at the very first camp I was at and it was so good. Since then it has been my favorite cake. She made the cake with one of our friends and it was so good. There was so much of it that we decided to go share it with some of our other friends. I still have half a pan left :). Before we left to share the cake she gave me my final gift. She pulled out a bag that had two presents in it. One was a black polo that she told me I should wear because I would look great. The second was a bottle of collogne. I told her like a month ago that I was out and we should go get some. Finally the end of the best day ever.

This is the kind of stuff that she does for me all the time. I have the best girlfriend ever and I want the world to know it. She is awesome and God has truely blessed us with a perfect relationship. I mean perfect.

Leading

2008-10-03T20:18:00.003-05:00

Jumping? More like falling

2008-09-10T14:59:00.002-05:00

After a long day of climbing Micah and I decided to take big falls. This is a video of one of the falls that we took. Micah would climb up to the very top of the climb and I would give him lots of slack. Then he would jump and as he fell the slack would come out. In an attempt to make the fall a little further and more comfortable for him I would jump as he fell. In this video I launched about 20 feet into the air and Micah fell 28 feet. It might not seem like that far but it is incredibly quick, however, by my calculations that is about 30 MPH in the course of about a second. So this video doesn't quite give it justice.

Bouldering

2008-08-10T13:55:00.003-05:00

I have no idea the difficulty of either of these the but they were fun. At the palisades the entire ending was all upper body. Three straight pull ups pretty sweet, it took me longer to get to the ledge though because it was such a long stretch for me. The beginning of the Blue mounds boulder was hard because it was a pretty decent size jump for me to make the ledge. We never got me finishing the climb but I got it earlier in the day.

Two things God revealed to me

2008-07-11T21:54:00.003-05:00

I don't believe that prayer is exactly one of my strengths but I have noticed a few things that God has revealed to me. I know that this must be God because I have never heard it before. I truly hope that while I write these they are as powerful to you as they were to me when I said them for the very first time.

The first;

Tears are nothing to be ashamed of because they are God working in your life is such a way that you literally begin to overflow. It is in a tear that we feel how God is working in our lives. They are not something to hide from others, they are something that should be worn proudly because it is a mark of Christ's movement in our hearts.

This was revealed to me during a blessing service at one of the camps where I had a number of campers tell me very hard and scary things. More specifically I had a girl who was crying so hard I literally had to hold her up. God had worked in such a mighty way in her heart that she was simply sobbing uncontrollably.

The second;

Breath Deep. For it is in a deep breath that we can find God. When times are hard and we feel like we are all alone and we don't know what to do or how to fight all we need to do is breath deep. For when we understand the character of God we learn that breathing becomes something so much more complex. We are no longer simply breathing in oxygen, we are breathing in all of the attributes of God. A simple breath becomes a passage way into the very presence of our LORD. It is through a breath that we take in the power, strength, wisdom, guidance, and love of God. It is in a breath that we allow God to take over our bodies, we have invited him into our very souls. Breathing is no longer for physical life it is now a constant invitation for Christ to rule our lives.

This was revealed to me when a cabin of mine was asking for tangible ways to make it through tough times. Obviously the question was asked in a much more complex and drawn out fashion. Nevertheless that was my response.

Reflection.

In both instances the recipients took the advice so well. The Breathing one was amazing to me because one of my guys said I won't ever breath the same again.

It has been a true blessing for me to be used by God. I hope and pray that God continues to use me for His glory not for my own. Praise God for the very person that He is.

Saying Goodbye

2008-06-29T14:22:00.002-05:00

Today I had to say goodbye to two of my best friends. I knew for a long time that this time would come but I hadn't allowed myself to except the reality. Last night I got a text from Jason that basically told me that I was the best friend he ever had. It meant so much to me because he had never told me I was his best friend before. It made me cry the second I finished reading it. The thing that is so tough about this goodbye is that Jason is the single person in my life that I can turn to for anything. He is so much more than a best friend, he is my brother, mentor, pastor, teacher and the one person that loves the exact same things I love. Even though this goodbye was and is very hard for me I know it isn't forever. I plan on moving out to Seattle to go to grad school. When you love someone the way I love them you never say goodbye it is always I will see you later. Thank you so much for the impact that you have had on my life. I wouldn't be the person I am without you two. Much love and best wishes on your new adventure.

P.S.
I know that this is where you should be going because you, of all people, need to live your life abundantly.

Stressful Endings

2008-05-08T11:35:00.003-05:00

As the school year comes to a close, my classmates and I have lots of stuff to do. Some people are handling this stress really well. I, however, am not handling this stress well. I have lots of math assignments to do and then I also have tons of business stuff to do. I have to read two books by the end of the year and write a report on each of them. I am only half way through one of the books and my report is so far about 9 pages, that means that I will be close to a 20 page paper in the end. I am also trying to figure out my future, finding out what I need to do to get into grad school. As much as I hate this pressure I feel like I am really efficient with my time. I never feel like I have enough time to do anything but I always find a way to fit in lots of other activities. I know that in the end I will finish all of my projects and will do very well on all of them. This relationship with the stress of ending school is a love/hate relationship. At least i am getting my money's worth in school. Maybe this is a lesson for the future, Maybe I should learn not to procrastinate, but Maybe I thrive under this pressure and secretly love it. From the Frenchmen in the Patriot "I guess will never know."

Grad School? What?

2008-04-30T14:46:00.002-05:00

Crazy thought ... Grad school. I was asked by a professor today what my plans were post graduation. I told him I had no real solid plans but that I wanted to continue learning. He told me that I should apply to go to school at Stanford for economics. I was blown away by this thought and still can't believe that he would even consider me going to Stanford. So now I need to boost my GPA, score really well on the GRE and get my act together. I am a little stressed just thinking about the fact that I have to get A's in all of my classes because a professor, that I'm convinced hates me, is on the verge of failing me. Stanford and the University of Washington require that you have a 3.0 GPA and the average for the last 3 years is a 3.75. I do not have a 3.75 and I might drop below the 3.0 mark if I do poorly in a certain class. At the same time I enjoy the stress and look forward to working toward a really great goal.
I would be going to Grad school to learn how to rid our world of poverty. That is exactly where my heart is at and I can't wait to see if it will happen. I will learn all about micro-finance and Jeffery Sachs plans to end poverty in our world, in our lifetime. The fact that I long to make a difference in this world and that I love economics means I am super excited about this opportunity. Time to buckle down and work hard.

What to do next?

2008-04-30T10:02:00.004-05:00

I am going to be a senior next year and this is a scary time in my life. Many of my friends are in the same position I am, so we have lots of conversations about the future. The number one topic of concern is... 'if we want to make a difference in this world where do we start", we don't want to graduate from college and end up being a "bum." We have seen graduates of USF working at Hyvee, or simply never leaving USF. The problem with that, for the majority of us, is we want to help make a difference in this world. So where do we go? What do we do? How can we use the passion inside of us to help a world that is clearly missing the mark. Maybe we could do mission work, but that requires money (none of which we have).
The thoughts that run through my head are primarily how do I use my education to help. I have seriously considered furthering my education, but in what topic do I want learn more? I don't think that I want to be an actuary anymore, but that leaves me feeling empty because now I have no plans for the future. So many doors are opening, and closing, I have thought about going to grad school for Economics, Mathematics, Statistics, Architecture, or a slew of other things. The newest, and oldest, plan I have looked into is getting a masters degree in architecture. The reason that this is an old idea is I considered going to the University of Montana, instead of USF, because they had an architecture program. However, I was young, dumb, and in love, so I stayed in Sioux Falls.
Anyway back to the original though, I don't want to get tied down to any one idea, but architecture looks like a lot of fun and very promising. One of my best friends is moving to Seattle and I have given serious thought to following him out there. The beautiful thing is that the University of Washington has a great architecture program. The ugly thing about this is that I don't want to follow him everywhere, in economics terms I want to be a price setter not a price taker. The simple fact is that I want to get out of Sioux Falls, and I want to go somewhere where I know at least a few people, so why not go to Seattle where my best friend will be. Maybe it's ok to follow someone for a while, maybe I need to stop caring what other think of me and do what I want to do. Because maybe following someone is the smartest thing you can do.(ie. Jesus).

The end is nowhere insight but its going to be a fun adventure getting there.

Slacklining

2008-04-28T23:44:00.003-05:00

This is something that a few of my friends and I started doing. I don't really know how we got into this but it has been a blast. Simply concept but really hard to do.

On the left, I make the turn without touching the tree. This was the first time I actually made the Turn. On the right, Micah falls on one of his first attempts. Eventually we were able to go down and back pretty easily.

Stories that change

2008-04-28T23:02:00.002-05:00

I heard a story a while back that has really hit close to home for me. I was with a few other people in a van and this pastor, Richie, starts telling a story of his "internship" with another pastor, Rob.
While these two pastors were out to lunch, Richie was asking questions about life and Rob was only half paying attention. He was participating in the conversation but was, at the same time, watching a couple out in the parking lot doing some skateboarding tricks. As he watched the two, he realized that the girl was only sitting and watching her boyfriend attempt a hard trick. Each time the boy would fail the trick he would throw his board into the ground and scream and make a seen. As the conversation went on between Richie and Rob, Rob started paying less attention to the conversation and was intently watching the young boy. Eventually Rob simply stood up and went out the door to sit by the girl. Rob sat down next to the girl and said a few words to the girl and then left. When Rob got back into the restaurant Richie asked what he said to the girl. The two pastors looked out and the girl stood up and left without saying anything to her boyfriend. Rob turned to Richie and said "I told her, 'If this is what he does to a skate board imagine what he will do to something that can talk back."
The thing that scares me the most is that embody that boy. I am ultra competitive and do that kind of stuff all the time. I don't like that I'm that way but I can't really help it. obviously sometimes there are things that I can do to prevent it but in general I can't really control when I get angry. I hate it and I want to be better. It is a weight that I can barely carry anymore. As I get older and want a girlfriend more and more it seems to be a bigger issue. I feel like I am controlling my frustrations better but I am nowhere near where I'd like to be. Maybe I haven't been asking the right questions of myself, maybe I haven't been humble enough to ask for help. But I am doing it now, I am begging for help.

When is enough enough?

2008-04-17T13:06:00.000-05:00

A few months back I took a large and very important test. The P1 exam is the first of 9 exams that actuaries need to pass. I have taken the test 3 times now and have not passed. Not only have I not passed, I have not even come close to passing. I took the test for the first time when I was a sophomore, I took it twice that year and then once again when this year. The question that I pose is, "When is enough enough?" I enjoy studying for the test and love what the job would be but I am clearly not capable of passing the exam. I studied well over 300 hours for the exam and haven't come close to passing! Is it worth it for me to continue to study? Will I ever be able to pass? If I don't pursue the actuary career, what would I do? I hate that just because a person want something so bad they don't get it. This is the first time in my life, granted it is short thus far, that I haven't gotten something that I really wanted. I guess that is just life though, there are no guarantees, life is not always fair. Maybe the questions I'm asking aren't the right ones? Maybe I am being selfish in my thinking? Maybe, just maybe, God is closing this door so that I will learn to rely on him? I guess for now the only answer is to wait and see what happens with the actuary internship I applied for. Hopefully in the mean time I can turn off the noise in my life and listen, for once, to the only voice that matters.

The End of Poverty

2008-04-16T13:51:00.000-05:00

I recently started reading "The End of Poverty" by a renowned economist, Jeffrey Sachs. I hadn't even made it to the start of the book before my body was aching with the pain described in the foreword. Bono tells us of how fifteen thousand people die each and every day in Africa from preventable diseases. I wish that I had the ability to share the way he does but I can't, so the only thing I can say is that if you want to understand the plight of the world you must read that foreword. As I read through the pages my soul began to scream from deep down. I hurt so much because we live in a world where we can have everything we want and yet our brothers and sisters in this world die from the simplest of things. We have no excuse for the way that we act, we take for granted the things in our lives and think nothing of the people around us. I wish I could take seriously the message that Bono paints. I know that it is a process, but I so desire to aid this world in a way that we will be remembered as a great generation. We need to stand on the rooftops and street corners and scream at the world "Everything must change." There is no time to waste, we have had enough time to destroy our world so it is time to start repairing it. Maybe we've been asking the wrong questions. Maybe we have procrastinated to the 11th hour. But the point is that it isn't to late. Maybe we need to be asking ourselves what we can do, here and now, to make this world a better place.